Though I lack your power, I will still persist.

I keep forgetting to update when things actually happen. Like when I started making little tiny hats for The Big Knit. Or last weekend, when I had to grill a cake (cool trick for if the oven stops working - just put the cake under the grill at the lowest possible heat, and don't forget to cook both sides of it). Or Wednesday, when I went to a BSL Cafe, which I then totally forgot to post about when I got home, because my hard of hearing badges arrived (my own design, made by Kool Badges):


However, I do have a decision to make, and therefore a question to ask.

Halloween this year falls on a Monday. My BSL class is on a Monday. Therefore, I think it is only proper for me to go to my class in fancy dress. (I also think it is only proper to take in a pumpkin pie instead of the usual cake, but that is another story.) I am going to go as a witch. This has the upsides of being able to make my walking stick look like part of the costume (a broom!), and being able to wear my black dress.

But the dress is short. Too short for me to feel comfortable wearing outside on a cold night without something covering my legs. Like leggings. And I have found somewhere (Yours Clothing) that does colourful leggings in my size. Only there are 5 colours to choose from, and that means making a decision and I am not very good at making decisions.

With the recent hot weather, it has come to my attention that I own absolutely no summer clothes, or at least none that I can leave the house in without breaking several decency laws.

I've managed to find some short-trouser-type-things in a style that I like. I can afford two pairs, and have sensibly decided that one pair should be in black. I've narrowed the colour of the other pair down to three choices, but I can't choose between them.

You'll help me decide if I make a poll, right?

Yesterday sucked in a stuck-inside all day waiting for a parcel that didn't come kind of way.

In a way, today was bound to seem kind of awesome in comparison.

Awesome things that happened today:

• My parcel turned up! It contained two pairs of trousers and a top (and two bras that didn't fit, but we'll talk more about those in a minute).
  • I got to go outside afterwards!
    • And it was sunny!
• Went to return the bras that didn't fit, and swapped them for two bras of the same size, which actually do fit. No, I don't get it either.

So basically, today is awesome because I got clothes and was allowed out of the house.

This is the list of things I could have done today, but didn't (because I wasn't prepared for being allowed out of the house), and will have to do tomorrow instead:

• Post fizzyblogic's DVDs
• Post miss_odalisque's necklace
• Buy new trainers

I've just seen my Grandad (and his dog) off to the train station.

Basically, he's going off to see my mother (his daughter) and that bit of the family for about a week, maybe more. Which means that I'm going to be completely alone in the house for about a week, maybe more.

Meep.

I've known about this since Sunday, so I decided to be extra nice to myself so that I wouldn't get all stressed before he left. Stress does nothing for my anxiety. Neither does the fact that I'm half-deaf and live in a mid-terrace house - all those tiny noises that come through the walls terrify me, because I can't tell that they're coming through the walls and I end up convinced that someone else is in the house. And with how bad my memory is, I end up panicking at that point because I won't remember whether I've locked the door or not. And because of some strange things going on in my brain, I will end up convinced that whoever has come through the door and is now in my house is here is hurt me.

Which is why this would be a very bad time for some bodyfail.

You know where this is going.

Basically, after messing up my back at the end of last year, my doctor told me to stop using my walking stick in January because I might "get too dependant on it" (actual quote). So I did, and I did reasonably okay without it - I couldn't do as much as I could when I was using it, but I wasn't in ridiculous amounts of pain either. Fast forward to this week. I've been into town twice this week, and my back has gone within ten minutes both times.

When I was using my stick, I could still walk when my back went. Today I had to limp in stages to the bus stop, occasionally stopping to lean against a convenient wall. Of course, I was inside one of the shopping centres when it went, and the only seating in there is in the cafes/etc. Also, the shopping centre staff don't like it if you end up sitting down on the floor outside one of the shops, no matter how close to screaming in pain you are.

(That said, the staff at Lush aren't too bothered if you just sit down in their shop, and will even bring you water if you look like you're going to pass out. A+, would collapse there again.)

Anyway, the point of this is that I was thinking (this morning, before all this happened) about asking people when the right time is to ignore what your doctor says you should do (i.e. not using my walking stick) in favour of doing what your body needs you to do (i.e. using my walking stick). Except that now that post would be useless, because I'm pretty sure I've found that point.

(Bonus useful fact #1: I didn't gain any weight over the time I was using my stick before, even though that period of time included Christmas and New Year. I have gained weight since I stopped using it, mainly because I haven't been able to do as much without it.)

(Bonus useful fact #2: I may have the world's lowest pain tolerance threshold type thing, but that might be because ( of something that is almost certainly TMI and involves much swearing )

.)




Okay, I promise my next entry will be something a little more... well, not positive exactly. But something more thinky and less ranty, because I am slightly confused. But it's not negative. Does that even make sense?

The first of April:
Sun shining through my window -
Has to be a trick.


I should never have agreed to a therapy session today, I have far too much to do - with tomorrow being Good Friday, I have to remember to get the basics in for the long weekend. It's not that I think that all the shops will be shut tomorrow, it's just that there will probably be a lot of people who've taken the day off and decided to go shopping, and I don't like crowds. At all.

(If I'd have thought about it, I would have done it yesterday, but I didn't remember that it was Good Friday tomorrow until last night, and that my usual getting of basics before volunteering would be disrupted because the volunteering place will be closed. Yeah.)

Also, I think that today's therapy session is the one that's meant to involve someone observing it or something? Do not want. But then, people have to learn how to do things somehow, and I felt that saying no wouldn't be fair, you know? I have decided though that, if I start getting uncomfortable with it during the session, I will say something about it then.

Saying that, knowing me I'll have got the dates wrong - it could be that the observer person is observing at a later date, or they were meant to observe on that day when we had to cancel the session at the last minute. But I know I'll feel better having worried + come up with a plan now, than being surprised later and probably having a panic attack. Because panic attacks are just not fun.

I might just have enough money for a little treat, but I can't decide what. So...

[Poll #1521382]

people made me happy by replying to the original entry at Dreamwidth.

I really want this dress.

Okay, I know. I don't wear dresses often. In fact, I own exactly one dress (which doesn't fit) and one long skirt (which is uncomfortable as all hell). But I miss being able to put on the dress and feel pretty in the privacy in my own room on my girly days.

I'm weird like that.

I can afford this. Or, at least, I'll have the money to buy it tomorrow, and not have to worry about money afterwards. But decision-making is not my strong suit. I could completely talk myself in or out of this, so...

Some people are really evil.

It's hard enough shopping in the snow (or, more accurately, slush) when you're using a stick, without people being ridiculous. For example, complaining loudly that I'm walking slowly won't make me walk any faster and, considering the slush and me having a stick, will only serve to make you look like a prat.

And then there was this conversation, which I never expected to have:

Random Passerby In Bus Station: Didn't you get pushed headfirst into a shop window an hour ago?
Me: Yes, yes I did.

I am okay, for those who want to know, and so is the shop window. I think my stick may have come into contact with one of the boys' legs, and I'm not going to apologise for that. Unfortunately, it did put an end to my shopping :(

So, finally, a rundown of the last few days \o/

Anyway, after a long night of worrying about the psychological evaluation (that I thought was on Thursday and isn't actually until next month, because I'm that clever), I ended up going into town to apply for that job at Lush. What I actually did was applied for the job and then flirted like hell with the only member of staff in the shop, which lead to me buying a bar of Vanilla in the Mist soap. The flirting was probably a bad idea, but I love the soap. Especially since it was really warm, and VitM is surprisingly refreshing.

Friday meant volunteering, and it was a little hectic. I loved it like you wouldn't believe. I've missed being that busy and still have people trust me that I'll get things done, even if I was working right up until closing and nearly made everyone late leaving. I also left my hat there, and broke my sunglasses on the way home, just to add a little bit of fail to the day.

Today I... fixed the sunglasses. What normal person fixes a pair of £1 sunglasses anyway? Anyway, I did that and then went out in search of lipstick, because I have to "make an effort" for my brother-in-law's 30th at the beginning of next month. I'm pretty sure what this actually means is "try to look pretty and girly, and don't make a damn fool of yourself". Not something I'm actually any good at, and not something that I'm exactly comfortable with, but it's his party and why make a fuss when I won't be seeing most of the people there for a few months afterwards? Besides, I've been acting like a girl when I haven't felt like one for most of my life, I can do it for one night, right?

So, now I now own an actual lipstick. A shade of brown, because every other lipstick shade in Boots made me look horribly pale - I have huge permanent bags under my eyes, so pale is a bad look for me. 7 years, and I still have no idea how to make them less obvious. Oh well.

Anyway, not done much, obviously.

I just bought Saving Face from Play. This might have been a bad idea. We'll find out when it arrives.

I also massively want this hat, for reasons I don't actually know. But then, even with postage it'd only cost me £9ish.

This calls for a poll!

[Poll #1432759]