Though I lack your power, I will still persist.

Things I have done since last updating:

( 11 March - 31 March, in about 800 words )

I've had two dreams in the last week or so where I was in a poly relationship. Neither of them involved sex, and both of them left me feeling good.

I've never had dreams like that before, so I'm slightly confused. Not in a "what does this mean?" sense, but in a "what has changed in my head that's resulted in a difference in what I'm dreaming about?" kind of way.

(Although last night proved that some things really haven't changed. I dreamt that I was back with my ex, again *rolls eyes* It was just horrible and felt void of any actual emotion, which was such a contrast to the dreams mentioned above.)

I mean, I've thought about the whole poly thing before. I like the idea. But that doesn't mean I'd be any good in a poly relationship. Saying that, I can't exactly be sure I'd be any good in a good mono relationship either. I now know some of the things I need in relationships for them to work (communication! honesty! people not assuming that I can't handle these things!), but those are things that would apply to both mono and poly relationships, so I don't know what the point of this sentence is anymore.

I suspect I fall somewhere in the middle, or will when I feel ready to be in relationships - the kind of person who's good with both mono and poly relationships, depending on the needs of the other person/people involved. This isn't a proper conclusion born of soul-searching or anything, but more based on the fact that I have a history of not being able to limit myself, in a way. I mean, the first time anyone asked me if I was more dominant or submissive, I simply said that I switch between the two. Thing is, I wasn't trying to avoid the question or anything - it's the actual truth. So is the fact that a person's gender doesn't have anything to do with whether I am attracted to them/fall in love with them/etc or not (once I get to know them anyway - having trust issues sucks). And the fact that my gender does what it wants and very rarely hits the normal male/female binary gender thing.

Okay, so that's a little "I'll be whatever you want me to be"-ish, but that's what I'm like generally. And it might make me weird, but it also makes me happy.

So my current "films I want to buy" list has 10 films on it. After checking on both Play and Amazon, I still don't know whether 5 of them have English subtitles on the UK (Region 2) version.

Has anyone got any ideas about how to find out if a film has subtitles before buying it? For most of the DVDs I buy, going to a shop and looking at what it says on the cover isn't an option - they're either too old or not well-known enough to be in stock - so my only real options (that I know of) are the internet and asking friends. And, while you are all pretty patient with me about these things, I really hate bothering you all every time this happens.


(For those of you wondering, the titles of the 5 films I'm wondering about right now are under the cut.)

( Read more... )

I'm having some trouble deciding which film to review next for gay_also_means_happy.

I can think of three more films that I currently own that might fit the community's guidelines, but I'm not sure if they actually do. Considering that all they have to do is feature queer protagonists/main characters who get happy endings, you'd think that this would be an easy call to make, but I'm really bad at making these decisions.

Of course, this calls for a poll!


[Poll #1545746]

more comments | reply to the original entry

And the winner is... fizzyblogic!

( Original entry under the cut (for context) )

I'm thinking about doing lgbtfest this year. I tried last year and failed miserably. I do not want to fail this year.

How can I maximize my chances of completing a story this year? My depression has a tendancy to surface at times when I least need it to, and there's a good chance that I won't be writing on the days that it's worst.

(Also, I'm already looking through prompts as they're being suggested, do you think that will help?)


PS: If you have any suggestions how to make sure you finish a story for other types of challenges, they're totally welcome here - you never know when they'll come in useful.

I might just have enough money for a little treat, but I can't decide what. So...

[Poll #1521382]

people made me happy by replying to the original entry at Dreamwidth.

Note: This entry probably won't make much sense. Sorry.


So, I attended my cousin's wedding, which is how I found out that she's had a baby. Baby was ridiculously well behaved for an 11 week old who was being passed around like the prize in a game of pass the parcel until about midnight.

Yes, I burst into tears part way through the night, which I blame on people not telling me about the baby beforehand. I was well prepared in advance for the whole "feeling like crap because the chances of me ever getting married are close to zero" thing (this happens to other (single?) people too, right?), but I wasn't prepared for the "feeling like crap because, as far as the doctors are concerned, the chances of me ever having those children I've always wanted are close to zero" bit. Gotta love it when that happens.

Another thing you have to love at discos - power cuts. Apparently the whole area was affected, not just our hotel, but half an hour of darkness gives you loads of time to make jokes about how the DJ caused it.

Oh, and I got mistaken for my older sister a lot, even though we were wearing completely different outfits, had different hairstyles, and her husband was with her most of the time.

Other than that, not much to report. Except that the train ride home was a nightmare (I booked a seat on a direct train, but we had to change twice due to train problems, and I couldn't hear the announcements telling us what to do, and the staff weren't helpful at all, so I had to ask other passengers for help, and I never want to have to do all that ever again, it was that horrible), but I got to find out what a caramel hot chocolate tastes like, so that made up for it.



[Locked because my family don't know about the not-able-to-have-kids thing yet. Although the ones who care about that already know that I'm queer, and probably think that the chances of me ending up with a guy are so small that baby-making won't happen anyway, but still - them finding out through a blog entry that I never expected them to read would be bad form. Also, it would mean admitting to them that I was crying, which I refuse to do, because they all think I'm insane enough without adding that to the mix.]

[Poll idea shamelessly stolen from kanata. For the purposes of this poll, queer denotes any and all LGBTQ-type identities that you might identify with.]



PS: Only I can see what option you've chosen, for the sake of your privacy and comfort. I'm only doing this poll out of curiosity regarding what percentage of people who actually read my entries consider themselves queer.

I've just realised that my brother-in-law's birthday party is this weekend. For this, I somehow have to look like I've "made an effort" - in other words, attempt to look girly. This is not going to go well.

That said, nearly everything is organised ready. My outfit is girl-ish, accessories and make-up exist, and I've even made the whole look somewhat colour coordinated.

Sod's law states that I will be in boy-mode that day, so I've even planned for that. With the trousers I'll be wearing, no-one will be able to see that I'll be wearing men's shoes. The top is low cut, so no-one will mind that I'm wearing a neutral top underneath it.

Okay, so it's not brilliant, but it's a start.

(Also, I'm totally taking bets on how many people will ask if I "have a boyfriend yet". I won't challenge it, because making/causing a scene at someone else's party is never a good idea, but I wish people wouldn't automatically assume I even want one. I'll be happy if they hurriedly add "or girlfriend" at the end of their question, as much as that's being thankful for crumbs. But there you go.)