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(no subject)
Sep. 5th, 2011 07:55 pm
So my doctor has decided that the dosage of my anti-depressant meds needs to go up.
I don't know how to feel about that.
I don't know how to feel about that.
(no subject)
Aug. 25th, 2011 04:23 pmThe last few weeks, months have been hard. Or harder, I'm not sure. It's hard to tell when you can't remember which day's which.
In spite of (and partly because of) this, I'm trying to be nice to myself, but that's never been easy. I ordered a copy of Kingdom Hearts yesterday, because I'm pretty sure that was fun the last time I played it, even though I never got to play all of it. I can afford it (due to not having Sign Language classes to go to right now), it was at a reasonable price (I've seen it selling for that price, but not cheaper, in other places) and I ordered it from someone I've bought several games from before (I haven't had to spend any extra money to make them playable, unlike other used games, and hopefully I should be okay with this one too), and yet...
I'm being ridiculous, I know.
I keep trying to do things, set myself easy targets so I can feel better about being nice to myself. Of course, that keeps backfiring. Today's target was to make a batch of tomato sauce for freezing, which is a nice easy target that I can't do beacuse I hurt my right hand & wrist at some point last night and (unlike other times that I've hurt myself in my sleep) it is not getting any better.
Oh well. There's always tomorrow, right?
In spite of (and partly because of) this, I'm trying to be nice to myself, but that's never been easy. I ordered a copy of Kingdom Hearts yesterday, because I'm pretty sure that was fun the last time I played it, even though I never got to play all of it. I can afford it (due to not having Sign Language classes to go to right now), it was at a reasonable price (I've seen it selling for that price, but not cheaper, in other places) and I ordered it from someone I've bought several games from before (I haven't had to spend any extra money to make them playable, unlike other used games, and hopefully I should be okay with this one too), and yet...
I'm being ridiculous, I know.
I keep trying to do things, set myself easy targets so I can feel better about being nice to myself. Of course, that keeps backfiring. Today's target was to make a batch of tomato sauce for freezing, which is a nice easy target that I can't do beacuse I hurt my right hand & wrist at some point last night and (unlike other times that I've hurt myself in my sleep) it is not getting any better.
Oh well. There's always tomorrow, right?
BADD 2011: You're Doing It Wrong
May. 1st, 2011 11:24 pm
Lately it feels like, no matter what I'm doing, there is always someone around to tell me that I'm doing it wrong.
Watching television? I'm doing it wrong. If only I learnt to lip read, I wouldn't need those pesky subtitles that ruin the programme for everyone else! Except that there are times when lip reading isn't possible - when there are voiceovers for instance, or when watching cartoons.
Volunteering? I'm doing it wrong. If only I decided to give up using my walking stick, it would be so much easier for me to carry files across the office! Except that using the stick stops me from falling over - I really hate falling over, and I know from experience that people won't help me up if I do.
Remembering appointments? I'm doing it wrong. If only I would just take the offered appointment card instead of putting the time and date in my phone, things would be much easier for everyone! Except if I don't put it in my phone there and then, I am not going to make it to the appointment - the piece of paper will probably stay in my pocket and end up going through the wash, and it most definitely won't sound an alarm to tell me that I need to be somewhere that day.
Going on the bus with a walking stick, using the internet when I have PTSD, owning a mobile phone even though I'm hard of hearing: I do all these things wrong too.
These aren't just suggestions. These people don't ask me if I've tried something that they think will help me: they tell me that I should do them. They tell me because they assume that I haven't thought of, and repeatedly tried, these things myself. They tell me because they want me to appear normal.
These people are my friends, my family, my colleagues. These people are meant to respect me, care about me, maybe even like me. And if that's what they're trying to show by telling me these things, I can't help but think that they're doing it wrong.
Emotionally speaking, I've been all over the place this last week or two, and I have no idea why - the lows have been ridiculous, and the highs just plain silly (literally).
Oh, and I've started craving meat like no-one's business. ( This next bit is pretty squicky... )
And because these things really do happen in threes: my back has, for reasons unknown, spent the last few days hurting like a hurty thing. More than usual, I mean.
/complaining
Oh, and I've started craving meat like no-one's business. ( This next bit is pretty squicky... )
And because these things really do happen in threes: my back has, for reasons unknown, spent the last few days hurting like a hurty thing. More than usual, I mean.
/complaining
Yesterday my phone service got cut off for non-payment (or, more accurately, me not giving them money that I don't actually owe them, and they know this), and then this morning my phone started falling apart. And people don't believe me when I say that me and my phone aren't friends.
I'm already starting to panic about going out for a meal with my BSL classmates on Tuesday night. Big panic. Lots of panic. I can't concentrate on anything, even just learning some extra signs so that I can actually have a conversation on the night. This shouldn't be difficult - I see these people every week! I know exactly where the restaurant is! I even downloaded the restaurant?s menu so I know what the prices are like, and have budgeted accordingly... But what if they decide to split the bill evenly rather than just pay for what you order? (Take more money, take more money.) Maybe I should figure out what I'm going to wear..? I've only got to decide on a top, maybe a necklace, but I would normally have that figured out already. Maybe I could text and say I can't go? But that would look suspicious. And then people would end up asking why at the next class, and I am a terrible liar, and I'm not sure I trust them to accept "because I thought I was going to have a panic attack" as a valid reason. When did I become this person? I never used to have panic attacks about doing things like this. Not that I have had a panic attack yet, but I have been pretty close all day today, and writing about it isn't actually making it any better...
...
A change of subject, mayhaps?
I really want some of the buttons from The World Ends With You. (To be fair, I've wanted some since I first played the game, but I figured that that would fade with time - fast forward a couple of years, and I still want them.) I've found someone on Etsy who sells them in bundles of 5 and I can afford a bundle, maybe two? Anything more than that and I might as well get the super-bundle of 25, but I'm not sure there's 25 that I actually want (if someone gave me them I wouldn't say no, but there aren't 25 that I would actually buy for myself).
Anyway, I've cut the list down to 13 buttons. Out of those, I've chosen 5 that I am most definitely getting, plus another 3 that I'll be getting if I can afford a second bundle. That leaves me with 2 spaces to fill, and 5 buttons to choose from. And you all know what I do when I can't make a decision...
( Poll under the cut! )
I'm already starting to panic about going out for a meal with my BSL classmates on Tuesday night. Big panic. Lots of panic. I can't concentrate on anything, even just learning some extra signs so that I can actually have a conversation on the night. This shouldn't be difficult - I see these people every week! I know exactly where the restaurant is! I even downloaded the restaurant?s menu so I know what the prices are like, and have budgeted accordingly... But what if they decide to split the bill evenly rather than just pay for what you order? (Take more money, take more money.) Maybe I should figure out what I'm going to wear..? I've only got to decide on a top, maybe a necklace, but I would normally have that figured out already. Maybe I could text and say I can't go? But that would look suspicious. And then people would end up asking why at the next class, and I am a terrible liar, and I'm not sure I trust them to accept "because I thought I was going to have a panic attack" as a valid reason. When did I become this person? I never used to have panic attacks about doing things like this. Not that I have had a panic attack yet, but I have been pretty close all day today, and writing about it isn't actually making it any better...
...
A change of subject, mayhaps?
I really want some of the buttons from The World Ends With You. (To be fair, I've wanted some since I first played the game, but I figured that that would fade with time - fast forward a couple of years, and I still want them.) I've found someone on Etsy who sells them in bundles of 5 and I can afford a bundle, maybe two? Anything more than that and I might as well get the super-bundle of 25, but I'm not sure there's 25 that I actually want (if someone gave me them I wouldn't say no, but there aren't 25 that I would actually buy for myself).
Anyway, I've cut the list down to 13 buttons. Out of those, I've chosen 5 that I am most definitely getting, plus another 3 that I'll be getting if I can afford a second bundle. That leaves me with 2 spaces to fill, and 5 buttons to choose from. And you all know what I do when I can't make a decision...
( Poll under the cut! )
To do: organise piss up in brewery
Feb. 18th, 2011 07:05 pm
Reason #1 why no job I ever have will ever be better than my current volunteering place: my mediocre computer skills are seen as useful. Even when I'm nearly falling over every few seconds, or dropping piles of things and things end up going everywhere.
(I needed that today, I think.)
(I needed that today, I think.)
I'm okay.
Well, actually, I'm not okay, but I'm okay with that. It is not my fault if I'm going through a low patch with my depression, even if I really should have seen it coming a mile off - that was a mistake, everyone makes them, right? Right. Anyway, I'm making up for it by treating myself nicely. I'm even offsetting having a bath (I hate baths, I'm a shower person, but I don't have a shower and even if I did I'd probably fall over, so a bath it is) with 80s classics. Of course, Christmas songs would have been better, but even with all the stations I can get on my radio, there doesn't seem to be one devoted to Christmas music, which is a massive shame, because I would so listen to that :(
So, what are your favourite Christmas songs?
(Christmas music makes me happy, and I could do with more happy, so the question is totally relevant to the rest of the post.)
Well, actually, I'm not okay, but I'm okay with that. It is not my fault if I'm going through a low patch with my depression, even if I really should have seen it coming a mile off - that was a mistake, everyone makes them, right? Right. Anyway, I'm making up for it by treating myself nicely. I'm even offsetting having a bath (I hate baths, I'm a shower person, but I don't have a shower and even if I did I'd probably fall over, so a bath it is) with 80s classics. Of course, Christmas songs would have been better, but even with all the stations I can get on my radio, there doesn't seem to be one devoted to Christmas music, which is a massive shame, because I would so listen to that :(
So, what are your favourite Christmas songs?
(Christmas music makes me happy, and I could do with more happy, so the question is totally relevant to the rest of the post.)
This Would Be A Lot More Fun If I Didn't Know How It Sounded: A Rant about Subtitles
Jul. 25th, 2010 02:57 pm
Yesterday I decided to watch a film I loved as a child: Labyrinth. I hadn't seen it since I started losing my hearing over two and a half years ago, but for me it's one of those films I can say the lines along with the characters, because I remember it that well.
All the same, I decided to turn the subtitles on to make things easier for myself. I wish I hadn't.
( Can the examples really be considered spoilers if the film came out in 1986? )
( Bonus rant - subtitles and songs )
All the same, I decided to turn the subtitles on to make things easier for myself. I wish I hadn't.
( Can the examples really be considered spoilers if the film came out in 1986? )
( Bonus rant - subtitles and songs )
So, um. It's been a while since I last updated (a week, I think?), mainly because my body decided it needed it be weird (period-related symptoms, but no period, WTF?) and then my brain decided it needed to be extra scary on Friday, which I'm still recovering from.
Other than that, the main reason I haven't updated is because I haven't really been doing much while dealing with the above...
But while I am here, a question: does anyone know if the new Shrek film is worth seeing? It turns out that my local cinema will be showing it on Sunday with subtitles, but it's the 3D version, so I don't know. Part of me is tempted just to go to see how well subtitles on a 3D film work, but at the same time it'll cost me £8.20 (+80p for the 3D glasses), which is kind of ridiculous seeing as seeing it in 2D would only cost £6.10 (but that wouldn't have subtitles, making it pointless).
... Damn, now I need something to cheer me up after working that out :(
Other than that, the main reason I haven't updated is because I haven't really been doing much while dealing with the above...
But while I am here, a question: does anyone know if the new Shrek film is worth seeing? It turns out that my local cinema will be showing it on Sunday with subtitles, but it's the 3D version, so I don't know. Part of me is tempted just to go to see how well subtitles on a 3D film work, but at the same time it'll cost me £8.20 (+80p for the 3D glasses), which is kind of ridiculous seeing as seeing it in 2D would only cost £6.10 (but that wouldn't have subtitles, making it pointless).
... Damn, now I need something to cheer me up after working that out :(
(no subject)
Jun. 26th, 2010 04:13 pmI just accidentally deleted several paragraphs on how I failed at volunteering yesterday. Short version: I shouldn't have even been out of the house in that state as it causes me to be a danger to myself and others, so the fact that I got anything done yesterday is a small miracle, and I need to stop worrying that I didn't get enough stuff done. Am not in that state now, thank goodness.
Also, last night, I re-found my slinky. It turns out that playing with it is quite possibly my emergency coping method. Especially when using it as a musical instrument to accompany 80s music.
In other news, I have jelly ready for Doctor Who later. Om nom nom.
PS: For those who were wondering about the answer to that poll I did last week, I like crunchy peanut butter, but apparently I'm in the minority on that around here XD
Also, last night, I re-found my slinky. It turns out that playing with it is quite possibly my emergency coping method. Especially when using it as a musical instrument to accompany 80s music.
In other news, I have jelly ready for Doctor Who later. Om nom nom.
PS: For those who were wondering about the answer to that poll I did last week, I like crunchy peanut butter, but apparently I'm in the minority on that around here XD
This is in no way the definition of okay.
Jun. 24th, 2010 09:00 pmLast night, my brain decided to make sure I knew that it doesn't like me. I won't go into details, but I did have to keep my rainbow projector on like some sort of night-light, which would have worked better if it didn't switch itself off after a certain amount of time, which made me panic more than once.
So, to try to be nice to myself today (in the hope it would make my brain like me more) and recover a bit from last night, I made an extremely short list of things that needed to be done today and that would be all I would make myself do. In fact, there was only one thing on the list: buy milk. And I did it, and a couple of other things, but nothing more than I felt able to cope with. Mission complete.
Only now my brain is telling me that I've wasted the whole day, which makes me even more useless than normal. Oh, and it's already started to pull some of the same tricks that it did last night. Lovely.
I guess all I can do is hope that the projector doesn't run out of batteries tonight.
So, to try to be nice to myself today (in the hope it would make my brain like me more) and recover a bit from last night, I made an extremely short list of things that needed to be done today and that would be all I would make myself do. In fact, there was only one thing on the list: buy milk. And I did it, and a couple of other things, but nothing more than I felt able to cope with. Mission complete.
Only now my brain is telling me that I've wasted the whole day, which makes me even more useless than normal. Oh, and it's already started to pull some of the same tricks that it did last night. Lovely.
I guess all I can do is hope that the projector doesn't run out of batteries tonight.
I swear, there is nothing - and I mean nothing - that is annoying in the same way as being on the verge of tears all day and still not actually being able to cry. Even listening to all the sad songs I own (all 30 of them!) isn't helping.
This is getting ridiculous.
Moral of the story: I need sadder songs. Also, "That's Why They Call It The Blues" by Elton John.
This is getting ridiculous.
Moral of the story: I need sadder songs. Also, "That's Why They Call It The Blues" by Elton John.
(no subject)
Jun. 13th, 2010 06:34 pm( A short semi-rant about depression )
I'm off to watch Disney's Robin Hood. The fact that it's the most sad-making film I own probably says a lot about my DVD collection.
I'm off to watch Disney's Robin Hood. The fact that it's the most sad-making film I own probably says a lot about my DVD collection.
BADD: Voluntary Accommodations
May. 1st, 2010 03:48 amI've been volunteering for a local charity now for nearly a year (since 2 June 2009!) and I have to say that I love it. It's not just because it gets me out of the house (for once) or because I'm doing something that I like (mostly admin work), but because the people there are just so accommodating.
I have some hearing loss in my left ear, which affects my general ability to hear things, and also my directional hearing (i.e. working out which direction a sound is coming from). This can be a bit of a problem if you're trying to answer phone calls in an office where there are 15 phones (I think) spread across three departments. Even though I only actually have to worry about two of them, I often can't tell which one of the 15 is ringing. Once I've worked out that it's my phone ringing, I have to hope that I can actually hear the person on the other end.
My boss and the main administrator are okay with this. They'll nudge me if the phone next to me is ringing and I haven't heard it. They'll take phone calls for me if they think it's too noisy in the office for me to be able to hear the person on the phone. They both have no problem with me passing the phone to them if I can't hear the other person due to a bad line, or if they speak too quietly.
They accommodate me in other areas too: my boss is very good at calming me down when I start panicking, which means I get to avoid having panic attacks, and the main administrator is massively patient with me when I forget how to do things, which ends up being most of the time due to my memory problems.
I can't help but feel that I was extremely lucky to get this voluntary position - not just volunteering in this office, but with these particular people. If it wasn't for the fact that I work with these particular people, I would quite likely be (to put it bluntly) completely stuffed.
That might seem melodramatic, I know. But the thing is I'm not the first person they've dealt with who has problems like these, because they deal with some of these things in their own lives. The main administrator uses hearing aids, and has been working with my boss for years. My boss has a child who has anxiety, and knows what that looks like. Because of their experiences, the two of them had actually thought about what accommodations they themselves were able to make for volunteers before I came along, which I'm thankful for.
The problem is that I'm looking for paid work, as I can't afford not to. But I'm scared that no-one will ever give me a chance once they find out that I need help like this. Or that they'll give me a job but not give me the accommodations I need, meaning that I will eventually have to quit (or end up getting fired) because I'm not able to cope.
The thing is, if more places were like the office that I volunteer at, then I wouldn't need to worry - and I wouldn't need to write posts like this either.
(no subject)
Apr. 8th, 2010 01:41 pmI've just seen my Grandad (and his dog) off to the train station.
Basically, he's going off to see my mother (his daughter) and that bit of the family for about a week, maybe more. Which means that I'm going to be completely alone in the house for about a week, maybe more.
Meep.
I've known about this since Sunday, so I decided to be extra nice to myself so that I wouldn't get all stressed before he left. Stress does nothing for my anxiety. Neither does the fact that I'm half-deaf and live in a mid-terrace house - all those tiny noises that come through the walls terrify me, because I can't tell that they're coming through the walls and I end up convinced that someone else is in the house. And with how bad my memory is, I end up panicking at that point because I won't remember whether I've locked the door or not. And because of some strange things going on in my brain, I will end up convinced that whoever has come through the door and is now in my house is here is hurt me.
Which is why this would be a very bad time for some bodyfail.
You know where this is going.
Basically, after messing up my back at the end of last year, my doctor told me to stop using my walking stick in January because I might "get too dependant on it" (actual quote). So I did, and I did reasonably okay without it - I couldn't do as much as I could when I was using it, but I wasn't in ridiculous amounts of pain either. Fast forward to this week. I've been into town twice this week, and my back has gone within ten minutes both times.
When I was using my stick, I could still walk when my back went. Today I had to limp in stages to the bus stop, occasionally stopping to lean against a convenient wall. Of course, I was inside one of the shopping centres when it went, and the only seating in there is in the cafes/etc. Also, the shopping centre staff don't like it if you end up sitting down on the floor outside one of the shops, no matter how close to screaming in pain you are.
(That said, the staff at Lush aren't too bothered if you just sit down in their shop, and will even bring you water if you look like you're going to pass out. A+, would collapse there again.)
Anyway, the point of this is that I was thinking (this morning, before all this happened) about asking people when the right time is to ignore what your doctor says you should do (i.e. not using my walking stick) in favour of doing what your body needs you to do (i.e. using my walking stick). Except that now that post would be useless, because I'm pretty sure I've found that point.
(Bonus useful fact #1: I didn't gain any weight over the time I was using my stick before, even though that period of time included Christmas and New Year. I have gained weight since I stopped using it, mainly because I haven't been able to do as much without it.)
(Bonus useful fact #2: I may have the world's lowest pain tolerance threshold type thing, but that might be because ( of something that is almost certainly TMI and involves much swearing ).)
Okay, I promise my next entry will be something a little more... well, not positive exactly. But something more thinky and less ranty, because I am slightly confused. But it's not negative. Does that even make sense?
Basically, he's going off to see my mother (his daughter) and that bit of the family for about a week, maybe more. Which means that I'm going to be completely alone in the house for about a week, maybe more.
Meep.
I've known about this since Sunday, so I decided to be extra nice to myself so that I wouldn't get all stressed before he left. Stress does nothing for my anxiety. Neither does the fact that I'm half-deaf and live in a mid-terrace house - all those tiny noises that come through the walls terrify me, because I can't tell that they're coming through the walls and I end up convinced that someone else is in the house. And with how bad my memory is, I end up panicking at that point because I won't remember whether I've locked the door or not. And because of some strange things going on in my brain, I will end up convinced that whoever has come through the door and is now in my house is here is hurt me.
Which is why this would be a very bad time for some bodyfail.
You know where this is going.
Basically, after messing up my back at the end of last year, my doctor told me to stop using my walking stick in January because I might "get too dependant on it" (actual quote). So I did, and I did reasonably okay without it - I couldn't do as much as I could when I was using it, but I wasn't in ridiculous amounts of pain either. Fast forward to this week. I've been into town twice this week, and my back has gone within ten minutes both times.
When I was using my stick, I could still walk when my back went. Today I had to limp in stages to the bus stop, occasionally stopping to lean against a convenient wall. Of course, I was inside one of the shopping centres when it went, and the only seating in there is in the cafes/etc. Also, the shopping centre staff don't like it if you end up sitting down on the floor outside one of the shops, no matter how close to screaming in pain you are.
(That said, the staff at Lush aren't too bothered if you just sit down in their shop, and will even bring you water if you look like you're going to pass out. A+, would collapse there again.)
Anyway, the point of this is that I was thinking (this morning, before all this happened) about asking people when the right time is to ignore what your doctor says you should do (i.e. not using my walking stick) in favour of doing what your body needs you to do (i.e. using my walking stick). Except that now that post would be useless, because I'm pretty sure I've found that point.
(Bonus useful fact #1: I didn't gain any weight over the time I was using my stick before, even though that period of time included Christmas and New Year. I have gained weight since I stopped using it, mainly because I haven't been able to do as much without it.)
(Bonus useful fact #2: I may have the world's lowest pain tolerance threshold type thing, but that might be because ( of something that is almost certainly TMI and involves much swearing ).)
Okay, I promise my next entry will be something a little more... well, not positive exactly. But something more thinky and less ranty, because I am slightly confused. But it's not negative. Does that even make sense?
(no subject)
Apr. 1st, 2010 08:23 amThe first of April:
Sun shining through my window -
Has to be a trick.
I should never have agreed to a therapy session today, I have far too much to do - with tomorrow being Good Friday, I have to remember to get the basics in for the long weekend. It's not that I think that all the shops will be shut tomorrow, it's just that there will probably be a lot of people who've taken the day off and decided to go shopping, and I don't like crowds. At all.
(If I'd have thought about it, I would have done it yesterday, but I didn't remember that it was Good Friday tomorrow until last night, and that my usual getting of basics before volunteering would be disrupted because the volunteering place will be closed. Yeah.)
Also, I think that today's therapy session is the one that's meant to involve someone observing it or something? Do not want. But then, people have to learn how to do things somehow, and I felt that saying no wouldn't be fair, you know? I have decided though that, if I start getting uncomfortable with it during the session, I will say something about it then.
Saying that, knowing me I'll have got the dates wrong - it could be that the observer person is observing at a later date, or they were meant to observe on that day when we had to cancel the session at the last minute. But I know I'll feel better having worried + come up with a plan now, than being surprised later and probably having a panic attack. Because panic attacks are just not fun.
Sun shining through my window -
Has to be a trick.
I should never have agreed to a therapy session today, I have far too much to do - with tomorrow being Good Friday, I have to remember to get the basics in for the long weekend. It's not that I think that all the shops will be shut tomorrow, it's just that there will probably be a lot of people who've taken the day off and decided to go shopping, and I don't like crowds. At all.
(If I'd have thought about it, I would have done it yesterday, but I didn't remember that it was Good Friday tomorrow until last night, and that my usual getting of basics before volunteering would be disrupted because the volunteering place will be closed. Yeah.)
Also, I think that today's therapy session is the one that's meant to involve someone observing it or something? Do not want. But then, people have to learn how to do things somehow, and I felt that saying no wouldn't be fair, you know? I have decided though that, if I start getting uncomfortable with it during the session, I will say something about it then.
Saying that, knowing me I'll have got the dates wrong - it could be that the observer person is observing at a later date, or they were meant to observe on that day when we had to cancel the session at the last minute. But I know I'll feel better having worried + come up with a plan now, than being surprised later and probably having a panic attack. Because panic attacks are just not fun.
(no subject)
Mar. 30th, 2010 10:08 am
Apparently this is going to be one of those days - my eyes are crying, but I'm not. Does that even make sense? I keep being surprised by the tears running down my face, because I don't feel sad, just numb.
Well, that and tired. I've slept so much over the last couple of days. I had a three hour nap on sunday, and still had a full night's sleep that night. Last night I was asleep by 8, and I woke up at 8 this morning. The worst thing is that I'm fighting to stay awake now, and I've not even been awake for two hours.
Also, ow. Whatever I did to myself during those 12 hours of sleep, I would like to not do ever again. My left wrist hurts to the point of needing to be strapped up, and there is a line of bruises on... does that count as my chest? I'm not sure - there's my breasts and then, about 5cm further down, there's this line of bruises. Or possibly one big line-shaped bruise. Either way, it hurts more in the middle than anywhere else.
I think this proves something that I already knew, but that you probably didn't - I should never share a bed with anyone. I mean, if I can hurt myself this badly when I'm sleeping alone, imagine what I'd end up doing to another person.
Well, that and tired. I've slept so much over the last couple of days. I had a three hour nap on sunday, and still had a full night's sleep that night. Last night I was asleep by 8, and I woke up at 8 this morning. The worst thing is that I'm fighting to stay awake now, and I've not even been awake for two hours.
Also, ow. Whatever I did to myself during those 12 hours of sleep, I would like to not do ever again. My left wrist hurts to the point of needing to be strapped up, and there is a line of bruises on... does that count as my chest? I'm not sure - there's my breasts and then, about 5cm further down, there's this line of bruises. Or possibly one big line-shaped bruise. Either way, it hurts more in the middle than anywhere else.
I think this proves something that I already knew, but that you probably didn't - I should never share a bed with anyone. I mean, if I can hurt myself this badly when I'm sleeping alone, imagine what I'd end up doing to another person.
*scratches head*
Mar. 25th, 2010 08:14 pm
Apparently, according to my therapist, I have to work out who I am as a person, so that I can remind myself on my bad days that my depression/memory problems aren't all there is to me.
She's got a point, but I have no idea where to start.
She's got a point, but I have no idea where to start.
Okay, quick question:
Mar. 20th, 2010 06:07 pmI'm thinking about doing ![[livejournal.com profile]](http://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
lgbtfest this year. I tried last year and failed miserably. I do not want to fail this year.
How can I maximize my chances of completing a story this year? My depression has a tendancy to surface at times when I least need it to, and there's a good chance that I won't be writing on the days that it's worst.
(Also, I'm already looking through prompts as they're being suggested, do you think that will help?)
PS: If you have any suggestions how to make sure you finish a story for other types of challenges, they're totally welcome here - you never know when they'll come in useful.
lgbtfest this year. I tried last year and failed miserably. I do not want to fail this year.How can I maximize my chances of completing a story this year? My depression has a tendancy to surface at times when I least need it to, and there's a good chance that I won't be writing on the days that it's worst.
(Also, I'm already looking through prompts as they're being suggested, do you think that will help?)
PS: If you have any suggestions how to make sure you finish a story for other types of challenges, they're totally welcome here - you never know when they'll come in useful.