Though I lack your power, I will still persist.

The last few days have been horrible. I've got the worst cold that's ever existed (I'm having trouble staying stood up for more than a few minutes at a time, and breathing is randomly difficult, but none of that is going to matter if I actually succeed in sneezing my head off (and if anyone could do that, it'd be me, as anyone who's ever seen/heard me sneeze could tell you)), I've not been sleeping (getting to sleep has been difficult because of the cold and then I've been waking up because of nightmares, and it turns out that napping while the sun's up gives me headaches, because that's all I need), and everything went so badly wrong yesterday that I'm tempted to pretend that the whole day just didn't exist. Today has only been bearable because I've been laid out resting on the sofa, playing Final Fantasy X-2 (don't ask) while dosed up on painkillers. Oh, and I had hot orange and honey (which is like hot lemon and honey, but for people who are too ill to leave the house and buy lemons/lemon juice and just happen to have some oranges lying around), even though trying to make it nearly killed me.

It's been a bad few days, and I've been pretty miserable, and tomorrow's not going to be any better - it's my last therapy session, so I have to be there whether I'm well enough or not, and I'm also worried about how I'm going to cope without therapy (I'm not lying when I say that my sessions are the only things that have kept me functional over the last 5 months, although I have come a long way in that time, so now it's just a matter of keeping that up?).

And then I read this comment.

And all I can say is thank you ♥


(PS: It's not that I don't appreciate the comments in this thread - I do, and I'll reply as soon as I can find the words to - but that anonymous one really hit me.)

(PSS: In case you're wondering how ill I am, it's just taken me over 2 hours to write this, because my brain just isn't cooperating.)

Thank you to everyone who wished me a happy yesterday. It went well. I had a Lush bath, and wore my pretty back dress, and was very nice to myself all day.

I also wrote and posted my first explicit(?) porn: Mother Tongue (Final Fantasy X: Yuna/Rikku). Slightly geeky language learning porn FTW! And now I never have to write actual porn again, except there's this other prompt for the same challenge that I kinda want to do. I like my small fandoms though, and I'm not sure if the Rocky Horror Picture Show is a small enough fandom fanfic-wise for me to feel comfortable posting something for it.

Someone filled one of my prompts over at queerlygen: Babysitting at the CNY Parade (Saving Face: Wil, Vivian, Wil's sister)! It is so pretty.

And finally, just to scare you all, I spent most of yesterday morning reading about a programme I remember from my childhood, and remembered something... interesting. Anyone else remember Captain Scarlet And The Mysterons? I shipped White/Green. You know how old I was when I first saw that? I was seven. I WAS A SEVEN YEAR OLD SLASHER. And I totally thought that all the Angels were doing it between missions! No wonder I've ended up like this.

I've made a decision: I'm taking back Valentine's Day.

On Sunday I'm going to have a day of self-love: I'm going to be positive about myself and maybe even pamper myself a little, because I deserve it. So maybe I might have to spend the next few days convincing myself that I actually do deserve it, but I do, and so does everyone else!

I have got to stop making icons. Seriously. I can't even use the ones I've made so far - I just don't have space. And the thought of no-one using them makes me sad. Because I'm weird like that.

(In case you're wondering, they're all stock icons with love/friendship themes. Thought that might be useful to know for the following poll.)

( Decision #1: About LiveJournal )

( Decision #2: About Facebook )

I'm going to try to sort out both of these by December 31st, so that I can start the New Year without them hanging over my head.


While I'm here, I'd like to give a shout out to everyone who was so nice yesterday about LJ's genderfail. I read some genuinely lovely posts and comments yesterday (including some on my network) which made me feel so accepted for who and what I am, despite most of the world not having cottoned on to that idea yet. I might make a more detailed post about that later if I remember, but I wanted to make sure I said a big THANK YOU to everyone who was so wonderful about it ♥